My Invitation

I once honored an invitation to minister at an International Youth Conference. I approved without a thought. I had always yearned to be in the limelight. And so, I never desired to know the purpose behind the program. I was merely eager to speak, if not for anything but to showcase my inert ability.  The basis was that my voice needed to be heard.

As of the day I got the invite, I never bothered to discern the source of the program. I felt my mates were doing exploits and I strived to explore too. Either for preaching or not, teaching or not, inspiring or not. I only aimed for fame and popularity. My heart had longed for this for a long time. I ignored God's leading. 

Each time my eyes flashed through the invitation card, I felt relieved and had a sense of belonging. I was happy, excited, and overwhelmed; all at a time but the worst happened.

A few days into the program, I picked my old sermon book and dusted the cover. I forgot so quickly that one cannot pour new wine into an old jar. It didn't stop there. I went to the boutique and bought new clothes, a pair of shoes, and other material things I would need for the program. Little did I pray,  not to talk of searching the scriptures. I believed I was capable.

I flipped through the scriptures a day before the program, just to confirm if the scriptures were aligned with my plans. Afterward, I muted a prayer saying, "Oh! Lord help me".  That was the end. 

On D-day, the host sent a car that picked me up.

Mheem!

I was blown.

I felt relaxed.

Finally, God has remembered the seed of Jacob.

It seemed as though I was in my personal car. Gently, the driver drove me to the venue. When we arrived, my eyes couldn't describe all I beheld. The recognition and treatment were incomparable. I have never had that experience ever since I called myself a Christian.

I was in the guest room when the Lord said to me that He never approved this invitation. "No, this can't be so," I murmured within, I rejected the voice, immediately. I assumed that the voice couldn't be from God because the gathering was for the brethren in Christ. Moreover, I desired this for years now. I can't dim my light. Never. Not this time. Not now!

Moments later, the program began.

After two speakers had ministered, I was called to speak on Youth and Godliness. The minute my name was being mentioned, I walked majestically to the podium to show off. You needed to see my charisma. My shoulders went high. I had forgotten that God is not a man.

While I moved, everyone stood up in the excitement and welcomed me. I reciprocated their warm welcome and said a word of prayer while they  chorused "Amen."

Few minutes after I concluded the prayer, a lady started manifesting toward the back row.  She screamed that I could hear her voice. The distance didn't break the barrier. I thought that the HOLY SPIRIT had started working on her. Maybe God wanted to deliver her through my prayers, but her voice roared high. I could not hold this anymore, and so I ordered the ushers to bring her closer. They dragged her with a greater force, yet she stood still. Probably, an external force held her back. 

I walked down towards her directions and still met her screaming. The tone doubled with confidence which birthed fear and confusion within. I  prayed, yet, the prayer had no effect. I was praying to the father I didn't know. The One I disobeyed and forgot.

The lady kept on struggling as there was no atom of power in me. I was only an empty vessel speaking void words. I strongly stretched my hands towards her forehead. I wanted to call the name 'Jesus!'. Instantly, I witnessed a heavy strike "Kaii, Eyei, Choi '' the congregation screamed. The experience was so painful. Tears rolled down my face amidst the crowd. I never understood what a heavy slap with stars was till that day. 

That was the end of my ministry. The ushers took me to the guest room and everyone was disturbed. The scars were there: on my face. Sorrow turned into sadness and grief became my best friend.

I know I used to burn fire

but not now, I was only living in past glory.

They invited me because they thought I was still the Jesus girl. Little did they know that I had gone wild. 

I missed it.

#Onyinyechi

#Onyibest

#Realist